Wednesday, October 16, 2013

In a crowd

Ever felt lonely in a crowd?

I always wandered what are real friends like. Friends that you can call out,upon and more importantly depend on. Are there such people in this world?

It's funny how life always screws you up everytime you're on a high. You think you have the best bunch of friends , then suddenly everyone leaves you to be. 

Do friends need to be responsible or is this sort of just a personal developments bs? I always wandered why I'm not close to any of my friends and I think it's mainly due to the fact I have so many responsibilities and not enough time for people. Think about it, in just 3 years in IMU , I was leader for OHW, DENTAL BALL , DENTAL DINNER, CAPTAIN OF BLUE TEAM,orientation ,  holiday organizer and countless times I had to lead small group projects and being emcees for events. I even got almost nominated for batch rep 2x and OHC PRESIDENT. This excludes what I do in church. 

People don't really see what you've done. They only see what you did for them individually and not as a whole . It's kinda selfish don't you think?

Who will you remember more ? Someone who goes out with you, celebrates with you or someone who does all the background bullshit for the whole batch ? If I don't do it, who will?

Maybe that's how you can get friends ? 

I mean honestly, will they even appreciate you if you do what I do? 
They'll be more like "as long as I'm not in charge I'm happy, and as long there is someone else to do it, I don't need to waste my time"

The bigger the responsibility , the smaller people look at you.

I mean seriously , it was really a lot of work doing what I do and just say someone just brings this guy out for a meal, celebrate a bday, the person will be like "he's such a nice guy, let's do something good for him " but for people like me, who are doing things for everyone as a whole, others will be like "........" 

It's very sad when you sacrifice so much and get rewarded so little/none

Like I said when you don't do something for someone , no one remembers you right?

But it's hard when you're all alone to do everything, no one to back you up, no one to ask you a simple "hey, need help " or "hey, how's things going"

I guess with all these 'responsibilities' you tend to take things more seriously and you see a bigger picture most times and people who don't see that won't appreciate that. Then, they only come to you when they need help , like when there's a project up or something but when the fun comes, you get left out. 

I guess some people need to be that sacrifice eh? Someone needs to do the dirty job. It's so frustrating. I have to do all that cos no one else has the guts to challenge  themselves to come out of their comfort zone.

You do a job for 50 ppl and none can do anything for you. 

I guess it's largely due to the tidak apa attitude. I never let things go, I can't leave it half hanging but everyone else is just fine with half jobs

Monday, April 8, 2013

Those were the days

Ever had this nostalgic feeling looking back at events that meant something? Call me sentimental or what but I always like to back at things and just soak in the beauty of it

Sometimes I just wander what is it that really get 2 different people attracted to each other and how to keep this attraction. I mean honestly for me I never knew and still am clueless about it.

When does friendship evolve to a real relationship? What's the key factor that sorts of sparks that friendship to move it into the next level? Can just one trait work?

I mean growing up, it has been a norm for me to hear that people think I'm friendly and funny and I guess that's how we get friends right? I enjoy fun people and I guess people too don't mind to spend some time with these type of people but take that away, can it still be considered friendship ? Do people really enjoy having me around them when all jokes are pushed away? when they do really really know me, will they still be there?

I have not found that person ever in my life to be frank. I always get that feel that my past 'relationships' were based on 2 separate people ( in personality,interest,etc) that somehow got to know each other and found each other interesting for a moment and after a while it fades. It's like they were attracted to just one side of you and then that's it. I mean even Yu Wern said that I'm a real funny guy and that was how she got 'attracted' . I mean come on. I'm pretty sure I have many other good qualities that can get someone attracted right?

It's always great when you first know people and they find you interesting and it gives you this false hope that they're gonna be your friends but I'm always afraid to let myself out and be myself because if I do they'll see a whiny, emotional kid and they ain't gonna have time for me and then they start avoiding you. I had a lot of people who have avoided me till today.

I guess experiences like these really shape a person. Honestly I find myself clouding myself out more than I did like say 4-5 years ago? Things like these really have me fearful of meeting people ,old or new, that it makes me avoid a lot of them. I don't make the first move much even when it comes to making friends.

Is this something that can be helped? Is this something that can be changed?

Growing up, all you want to do is make new friends but now it really doesn't matter anymore to me. Why should it? What benefits can you get?

I'm not sure if I'm fooling myself or is she fooling me? Like I said I enjoy her company and I'm pretty sure she does sometimes but what if she's doing all that cos shes just a nice person. But there's no point pursuing if there are no light at the end of the tunnel? If she's really into me as much as I'm into her, wouldn't she initiate something? It's mostly one way which gets irritating cos I'm on the fence.

I always had this dream that by the time I reach the age of 35 , if I'm still single which I probably think I would be, I would just go around the world by myself. Just me alone without anyone to care about. That would be a good idea.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


Hey all, I know no one reads blogs nowadays especially mine so I'll just write whatever shit I want here Well it's been a real tough 2012 so far. Been taking up so many roles in uni and honestly it does drain me physically and emotionally.

Just finished with my oral health week in April. Wouldn't say it's the best one I managed but it'll do.. Got to see how everyone work. Some helpful some needed a lot of push Anyways there's really a lot in my mind right now that's why I'm writing here. Things happening around my church, uni and life in general. I know as a Christian we always say Jesus is our best friend to help us and listen to us but don't you think we sometimes just need that special someone to hear us out and be there physically for us.. 

Well I failed my both papers recently. It's sad but not as bad as other things. Dunno what's wrong with me. What's worst now is the 'closure' I just got 2 days back. It's funny and weird how guys get affected more in a relationship more than the other. I thought girls will get more emotional but no we guys get more troubled by it. It sucks now honestly. After so long in the dark you finally know that it wont go any further anymore. That no matter what I do I know it won't change a thing ...

It's funny that for my first sort of relationship both of us didn't talk for like month and suddenly she just came  to me and say it wont work out. Like no shit right?  Now seems quite similar.:. After so long and after so much hanging then finally it ends. Can't believe I myself could have waited so aimlessly all this while after last year when we took a 'break' from each other.. Or maybe it's cause I didn't have any luck with other people. Lol but deep down in side i always  had this hope that somehow someway it will work out eventually . I didn't mind waiting for 5 years If I knew it was gonna work .I  guess it's just me eh: I simply just don't let go off things easily . But now it's over . Life won't stop for the broken hearted . I find people just want us to move forward but what if you can't . What if that one person is that ONE person in your life and somehow I ruined it. 

People said there's always that one person God has for you but why do I find single people at their old age and even when they die. I know it ain't  like me but I believe there are those who just ain't that blessed.. Then there's the 'there are many other fishes in the sea' but theres not every fish that's suitable. I guess I also spent a lot of my energy and emotions into that relationship that I know I can't do the same for anyone anymore. It always gets frustrating when you're interested in someone and she don't feel the same. Then I'm in that dilemma and always confuse then in the end I find myself wasting my time and getting dis-heartened

well despite all the setbacks I still want to let her know how much she actually meant to me troughout the whole time since college. She was the angel that light up my world. When I was about to give up on love with all the setbacks, she came in to my life. Looking back I can't believe I put in so much effort for just a girl but she wasn't just any girl. She was worth every of my time honestly. Where can I find any other person to hear a talkative and playful kind of guy who always talk more shit than anything and not only did she just listen but many times have put me straight. She's been with me through my toughest time in my life and its so hard to find someone like her. We could just talk about anything and everything without worrying what the other might think. Guess that was the problem. It's always about the communication. Didnt have much of that towards the end

the thing is even if i do find someone I'm interested , there's just so much for her to know that I'm just to freaking lazy to tell and open myself to. not that there's anyone. I don't think I can put in that much as I once did in the future and it really isn't fair for her.

Know this post is all emo-ish and the whole words are messed up ..but yeah I'm that lost.. Guess that's how it was meant to be. Back to square one

Monday, November 28, 2011

Made it

Hey everyone. I was just browsing through some of my friends' blog and it really caught my eye that not many people blog anymore. It's sad. I maen I don't blog much now too. Been occupied and also I got twitter so very lazy to sit down and type but here I am

Anyways a lot has happened in the past few months. Most notably is my exam.My first Profesional Exam to be exact. My In course assesment wasn't that good. Need to improve on my accuracy of reading. Can't believe EOS was like 3 weeks ago an we were so tressed out then. It was the toughest paper I took so far but I thank God for his grace and mercy that He has shown me through this exam. Studied so much for this exam . Everynight will skype with Banguly to keep me awake.. This sounds gay I know but oh well... but the questions that came out were out of this world man. No matter how much we read nothing could prepare us for those type of questions

Well at least through this experience I got to be closer to God. Sometimes in your christian walk when your at such a level of faith you tend to think everything is going to work out well and you sort of 'slack off' and I think that's what I've been through this whole year. It's like I trust God will provide so I need not ask. Well thankfully He has remained so faithful and loyal to me. Prayed a lot the whole week while waiting for results and thankfully I PASSED! Was really looking to other courses around. that was how bad it was..

That's right people.I finished first year of medical school

Medical school for me is really a tough course.Now I know why a lot of people drop out , commit suicide and all that. The presure and work load is amazing. There's just no way to remember everything in this head of mine. Yet again I thank God for pulling me through this. Biology aand me ain't the closest of friends but we got along well so far.... Another 4 more years to go -_-

So I'm in to the holidays now. haven't been going out as I would like to but it's good to just chil at home. Had VBS the whole of last week. It was an amazing time spending with the kids from 4-12 yo... They are just so cute and adorable.

I was in charge of the PA..Meaning sound and LCD.. Good thing I managed to have Xuan Yun, Melvin and Ryan to help me out in this. It was good learning how to operate the sound system. Might want to serve in that on sundays too..

So thats all from me for now. Follow me on twitter. Its at the side --->

Sunday, September 11, 2011

When you're down

From a worsip team member:

Many of us go through ups and downs in our lives. As emotional beings, how would we react when faced with difficult situations/circumstances? Would we sulk and be bitter about things/people? Or do we choose to rejoice, knowing that He has control over all things? Here is a good question we can all ask ourselves.

I read the book 'Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free' written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss quite some time ago, but i remember copying down some important parts, including these below:-

The Scripture is filled with divine promises and commands that provide the means by which our emotions may be steadied in the midst of any storm:-

God's Word promises, "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20). Therefore, we don't have to be overcome by loneliness.
God's Word promises, "My God will meet all your needs" (Philippians 4:19). Therefore, we don't have to stay awake at night worrying about how the mortgage will get paid.
God's Word promises, "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken" (Isaiah 54:10). Therefore, we don't have to dread of an uncertain future.
God's Word says, "Do not be afraid" (John 14:27). That means we don't have to give in to fear, regardless of our circumstances.
God's Word says, "Don't worry about anything" (Philippians 4:6, NLT). That means that even in the midst of stressful circumstances, we don't have to be anxious.
God's Word says, "Give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). That means we can choose to be thankful, even when everything around us seems to be falling apart.
God's Word says, "Love your enemies" (Matthew 5:44). That means, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we can choose to love anyone - no matter how greatly they have wronged us.
God's Word says, "If you hold anything against anyone, forgive him" (Mark 11:25). That means there is no one we cannot choose to forgive, no matter how deeply they may have hurt us or sinned against us.
Hope this blesses you.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

what happened in 9/11

9/11 True Story.
A man from Norfolk , VA called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11th, 2003, TWO YEARS AFTER THE TRAGEDIES OF 9/11/2001.

His name was Robert Matthews. These are his words:

A few weeks before Sept. 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen,' we both
heard a loud pop and the car shook violently.. We had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. Both very upset we drove home.

I received a call from my father who was retired NYFD. He asked what my wife's flight number was, but I explained that we missed the flight.

My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the southern tower. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can't just sit by for; I have to do something.'

I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, 'take good care of my grandchild. Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort.

My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My s on would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say good-bye.

Then something happened. About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child.

The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honor to meet his son.'

He expl ained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Center and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this. He then said, 'there is something else you need to know.'

His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news.

Now I know that when I get to Heaven, my father will be s tanding beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves .

When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew, in honor of the man who gave his life so that a mother and baby could live.

This story should help us to realize this: God is always in control.

We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control.

Please take time to share this amazing story. You may never know the impact it may have on someone. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures Forever. Psalm 136:

May God bless you, and your family,

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Fusion Talk

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if Malaysians are speaking English.

DIE lah! Mati loh!” a boy was crying out loudly. “I am in hot soup ... in trouble ... my school book is in the swimming pool!”

He had been running around in the Penang Sports Club with his homework and his book dropped into the pool.

“Die lah? Why is there a lah added after the word ‘die’?” enquired my British friend who is amazed with our unique fusion Malaysian English.

“Well, the Malays here use lah a lot in their expression and thus we, Malaysians add Malay or even Chinese or Indian expressions in our English,” I explained.

“Do you want to makan karipap or yam char? asked someone near us.

“Is he speaking English?” asked my British friend again.

I informed him that Manglish is basically English with a unique fusion of words from Malay, Chinese and Indian languages. It shares substantial linguistic similarities with Singaporean English (Singlish). Speakers of Manglish tend to intersperse varying amounts of expressions and interjections from their mother tongue, which in some cases qualify as a form of code-switching. Sentences may be constructed using English words in the syntax of another language.

For instance, my student said, “I cannot twenty five you,” to his friend.

I told him that he is translating a phrase directly from his first language (Hokkien dialect) into English. “Twenty five you” in Hokkien means “to suspect or accuse you of something”.

One small Chinese boy called a turkey a “fire chicken”. In his Hokkien dialect, a turkey is called hoey kei. He has translated directly from Chinese to English, and literal translation can be thoroughly inaccurate.

Many British or other foreigners are intrigued by the Malaysian lingo.

“Eh! Towkay! Towkay! You want to buy this watch ... very special price lah and cheap loh,” said a salesman along Penang road.

“See ... it is fascinating, your Malaysian lingo ... towkay and kopitiam (coffee shop) are unique words and I like char koay teow, too,” Jim chuckled.

Jim is from Darwin, Australia. He has been in Penang for many years and is always tickled when we say, “Alamak! Why so raining wet today; cannot play tennis one.”

Thus the Malaysian lingo may be captivating to foreigners.

Another aspect of language, such as alliteration also can amuse people.

“She sells sea shells by the sea shore”, “Five funny fat Frenchmen flew to France” or “The sixth Sheik’s sheep is silly sick”, or “Rulers row really in rivers”. These are all boring compared to the Thai twister, Khrai khai khai kai or “Who sells chicken eggs?”

Homonyns can be mind-boggling, too. “Give me the hare!” cried someone but he was given some “hair” instead. Both hare and hair do sound the same and are known as homonyms. Thus sounds of words may cause misunderstanding and the sound of this Chinese tongue twister is unbeatable. Si-shi-si zhi shi-zi shu you si-shi-si shi-zi actually means “Forty-four persimmons on 44 persimmon trees”. Well in English, “s” in the word “sit” is pronounced differently from the “s” in the word “sugar”.

Nevertheless some “anguished English language expressions” can be heard or seen. These notices were pasted on walls of buildings:

Laundry in Poland: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a great time inside or outside.

Tailor shop: Order your summer suits due to big rush. We will execute customers in strict rotation.

University: Room for rent – we do not take self-cooking students. (Students are not allowed to cook in the room).

Anyway, who dares say that our English is weird? Just see below – Malaysian English can sometimes be simple, short, precise and effective. British English can be compared to our English in a few ways:

Asking someone to make way
Britons: Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way for me?
Malaysians: S-kews / squeeze me, please.

Asking someone to find out what had happened
Britons: Will someone please tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happenleh? Why like that one?

When asking for permission
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can enter ah?

When assessing a difficult situation
Britons: Hmmm. We appear to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Ayoh! Die-lah! Mati loh?

When declining an offer
Britons: If you don’t mind, I’d prefer not to do that.
Malaysians: I don’t want lah.

In disagreeing on a topic of discussion
Britons: If you don’t mind, Timothy, I do have to interrupt, and I must say I have to disagree with you about this issue.
Malaysians: What stupid idea! You mad and crazy ah?

When asking somebody if he/she knows you
Britons: Excuse me, but you seem to be staring at me. Have we met before?
Malaysians: Why you look at me like that? See what?

When someone is angry
Britons: Would you mind not shouting at me?
Malaysians: Cilakak! You no manners or what man