Broken

Hey all, I know no one reads blogs nowadays especially mine so I'll just write whatever shit I want here Well it's been a real tough 2012 so far. Been taking up so many roles in uni and honestly it does drain me physically and emotionally.

Just finished with my oral health week in April. Wouldn't say it's the best one I managed but it'll do.. Got to see how everyone work. Some helpful some needed a lot of push Anyways there's really a lot in my mind right now that's why I'm writing here. Things happening around my church, uni and life in general. I know as a Christian we always say Jesus is our best friend to help us and listen to us but don't you think we sometimes just need that special someone to hear us out and be there physically for us.. 

Well I failed my both papers recently. It's sad but not as bad as other things. Dunno what's wrong with me. What's worst now is the 'closure' I just got 2 days back. It's funny and weird how guys get affected more in a relationship more than the other. I thought girls will get more emotional but no we guys get more troubled by it. It sucks now honestly. After so long in the dark you finally know that it wont go any further anymore. That no matter what I do I know it won't change a thing ...

It's funny that for my first sort of relationship both of us didn't talk for like month and suddenly she just came  to me and say it wont work out. Like no shit right?  Now seems quite similar.:. After so long and after so much hanging then finally it ends. Can't believe I myself could have waited so aimlessly all this while after last year when we took a 'break' from each other.. Or maybe it's cause I didn't have any luck with other people. Lol but deep down in side i always  had this hope that somehow someway it will work out eventually . I didn't mind waiting for 5 years If I knew it was gonna work .I  guess it's just me eh: I simply just don't let go off things easily . But now it's over . Life won't stop for the broken hearted . I find people just want us to move forward but what if you can't . What if that one person is that ONE person in your life and somehow I ruined it. 

People said there's always that one person God has for you but why do I find single people at their old age and even when they die. I know it ain't  like me but I believe there are those who just ain't that blessed.. Then there's the 'there are many other fishes in the sea' but theres not every fish that's suitable. I guess I also spent a lot of my energy and emotions into that relationship that I know I can't do the same for anyone anymore. It always gets frustrating when you're interested in someone and she don't feel the same. Then I'm in that dilemma and always confuse then in the end I find myself wasting my time and getting dis-heartened

well despite all the setbacks I still want to let her know how much she actually meant to me troughout the whole time since college. She was the angel that light up my world. When I was about to give up on love with all the setbacks, she came in to my life. Looking back I can't believe I put in so much effort for just a girl but she wasn't just any girl. She was worth every of my time honestly. Where can I find any other person to hear a talkative and playful kind of guy who always talk more shit than anything and not only did she just listen but many times have put me straight. She's been with me through my toughest time in my life and its so hard to find someone like her. We could just talk about anything and everything without worrying what the other might think. Guess that was the problem. It's always about the communication. Didnt have much of that towards the end

the thing is even if i do find someone I'm interested , there's just so much for her to know that I'm just to freaking lazy to tell and open myself to. not that there's anyone. I don't think I can put in that much as I once did in the future and it really isn't fair for her.

Know this post is all emo-ish and the whole words are messed up ..but yeah I'm that lost.. Guess that's how it was meant to be. Back to square one