In a crowd

Ever felt lonely in a crowd?

I always wandered what are real friends like. Friends that you can call out,upon and more importantly depend on. Are there such people in this world?

It's funny how life always screws you up everytime you're on a high. You think you have the best bunch of friends , then suddenly everyone leaves you to be. 

Do friends need to be responsible or is this sort of just a personal developments bs? I always wandered why I'm not close to any of my friends and I think it's mainly due to the fact I have so many responsibilities and not enough time for people. Think about it, in just 3 years in IMU , I was leader for OHW, DENTAL BALL , DENTAL DINNER, CAPTAIN OF BLUE TEAM,orientation ,  holiday organizer and countless times I had to lead small group projects and being emcees for events. I even got almost nominated for batch rep 2x and OHC PRESIDENT. This excludes what I do in church. 

People don't really see what you've done. They only see what you did for them individually and not as a whole . It's kinda selfish don't you think?

Who will you remember more ? Someone who goes out with you, celebrates with you or someone who does all the background bullshit for the whole batch ? If I don't do it, who will?

Maybe that's how you can get friends ? 

I mean honestly, will they even appreciate you if you do what I do? 

They'll be more like "as long as I'm not in charge I'm happy, and as long there is someone else to do it, I don't need to waste my time"

The bigger the responsibility , the smaller people look at you.

I mean seriously , it was really a lot of work doing what I do and just say someone just brings this guy out for a meal, celebrate a bday, the person will be like "he's such a nice guy, let's do something good for him " but for people like me, who are doing things for everyone as a whole, others will be like "........" 

It's very sad when you sacrifice so much and get rewarded so little/none

Like I said when you don't do something for someone , no one remembers you right?

But it's hard when you're all alone to do everything, no one to back you up, no one to ask you a simple "hey, need help " or "hey, how's things going"

I guess with all these 'responsibilities' you tend to take things more seriously and you see a bigger picture most times and people who don't see that won't appreciate that. Then, they only come to you when they need help , like when there's a project up or something but when the fun comes, you get left out. 

I guess some people need to be that sacrifice eh? Someone needs to do the dirty job. It's so frustrating. I have to do all that cos no one else has the guts to challenge  themselves to come out of their comfort zone.

You do a job for 50 ppl and none can do anything for you. 

I guess it's largely due to the tidak apa attitude. I never let things go, I can't leave it half hanging but everyone else is just fine with half jobs