Ever had this nostalgic feeling looking back at events that meant something? Call me sentimental or what but I always like to back at things and just soak in the beauty of it
Sometimes I just wander what is it that really get 2 different people attracted to each other and how to keep this attraction. I mean honestly for me I never knew and still am clueless about it.
When does friendship evolve to a real relationship? What's the key factor that sorts of sparks that friendship to move it into the next level? Can just one trait work?
I mean growing up, it has been a norm for me to hear that people think I'm friendly and funny and I guess that's how we get friends right? I enjoy fun people and I guess people too don't mind to spend some time with these type of people but take that away, can it still be considered friendship ? Do people really enjoy having me around them when all jokes are pushed away? when they do really really know me, will they still be there?
I have not found that person ever in my life to be frank. I always get that feel that my past 'relationships' were based on 2 separate people ( in personality,interest,etc) that somehow got to know each other and found each other interesting for a moment and after a while it fades. It's like they were attracted to just one side of you and then that's it. I mean even Yu Wern said that I'm a real funny guy and that was how she got 'attracted' . I mean come on. I'm pretty sure I have many other good qualities that can get someone attracted right?
It's always great when you first know people and they find you interesting and it gives you this false hope that they're gonna be your friends but I'm always afraid to let myself out and be myself because if I do they'll see a whiny, emotional kid and they ain't gonna have time for me and then they start avoiding you. I had a lot of people who have avoided me till today.
I guess experiences like these really shape a person. Honestly I find myself clouding myself out more than I did like say 4-5 years ago? Things like these really have me fearful of meeting people ,old or new, that it makes me avoid a lot of them. I don't make the first move much even when it comes to making friends.
Is this something that can be helped? Is this something that can be changed?
Growing up, all you want to do is make new friends but now it really doesn't matter anymore to me. Why should it? What benefits can you get?
I'm not sure if I'm fooling myself or is she fooling me? Like I said I enjoy her company and I'm pretty sure she does sometimes but what if she's doing all that cos shes just a nice person. But there's no point pursuing if there are no light at the end of the tunnel? If she's really into me as much as I'm into her, wouldn't she initiate something? It's mostly one way which gets irritating cos I'm on the fence.
I always had this dream that by the time I reach the age of 35 , if I'm still single which I probably think I would be, I would just go around the world by myself. Just me alone without anyone to care about. That would be a good idea.
